Treading Lightly

Using it and Losing it
I got on my treadmill this morning.  Watching TV, making granola, treading lightly 1.6, no incline.  About 40-45 minutes.  It was easy to do.  Just hard to get started....  This Blog is keeping me going.
I'm going to look more closely at the treadmill, dust it off! look at what it tracks, and maybe post mileage here too.  Starting the next time I get on it.

And I may go out and about with the dog today too.  It is cold, snowy, windy, and so we'll give it a try and see what happens.  -12C, blowing snow, yet it seems to be lightening up. I'll track time with that one.  Brisk walking, cross country skiing, lots of opportunity for movement.
Years ago, I did Movement Meditation (MM).  Many of my friends were into meditation, and I was discussing with one of them how I'd tried, and just couldn't stay still. The very next issue of my friends copy of Yoga Journal had an article about MM, and she lent it to me.  It was written by Jalaja Bonheim, and inspired my to buy her book, The Serpent and The Wave, A Guide to Movement Meditation.  I read the book, all the way through in a sit down and read episode. And I started doing the Serpent style MM.  And I continued for about 3 years, daily.  And then,  one day I had an extremely scary experience of my body disolving, and disorientation, and out of body looking on.  If I had been smart, I would have called Ms. Bonheim, and discussed this with her, but instead, I kept quiet, and quit the practice. That was in the mid 1990's. 
About a year ago, I thought about contacting her, and letting her know how profound the practice had been for me. Instead, I talked to a spiritual counselor near where I live.  I have been lucky in my life to have People  that support me, that I can talk to, and NOW, I feel ready to start the practice of MM again.  Besides being a meditation, I became very aware of all the small deep muscles at the core. At the time I stopped, it was because I thought I was alone doing this.  I really wasn't. At the time I didn't reach out to my community. I thought I was a bit crazy.  There was lots of information that I was reading that indicated that I wasn't alone, yet FEAR, my own judgements, and lack of maturity kept me quiet.  Now, I think I have more experience. 
I got on the treadmill, I have lost some weight, I know how to ask for help.  I am feeling very proud of myself and my accomplishments.

Reaching out and asking, Sometimes hard to do, yet behind that courage is lightness and power, 

Treading lightly, Hazel

Diplomacy and Personal Power

Using it and Losing it

I need to find some ways to be diplomatic with my family around my weight loss journey for long term maintenance and success.
This issue surfaced again.  My sister called and wanted to go for "a stroll".  And stay for dinner, and she'll bring dessert.  And out of my mouth popped, We're not doing dessert at our house these days! 
And that's not necessarily true.  I'm not the only one who lives here. 
Diplomacy needed.... Sure, please bring dessert!  hmmm, maybe not....
Food has always been the main focus of attention with my family of origin, and for me too.  And I have anger that surfaces, really fast, before my brain kicks in, around the "over the top Obsession" of it.  And the lack of focus on health of it.
I'd like to learn some key phrases to use to get myself on track, and stay diplomatic.
I think I have actually, yet I'm expecting them to accept my goals and respect them, and I also worry about family members that are pushing 300 around, and not ready to do something about it.
The reason I would like to learn about diplomacy, is that we are all alike in my family, and speak before we think, and there is often an underlying tension. My sister just gets hurt, because she wants to contribute, and that's one way she's good at it. Then she gets angry, and sarcastic.  She's not into Health these days, and loves to cook.  I'm a bit of a health nut, underline the NUT in her view.
So, what I did say, is:  I'm cooking hamburgers for dinner, and anything you would like to bring to put on top of them would be great. 
And I am going for a cross country ski to set the trails around here, and I'll call you when I'm done, then you could come out, and we could go for a walk with the dogs.  And she's going to call someone else for a stroll that lives near me.  So actually it will work out.
You know, I just realized, I get scared. I hate conflict. I don't wanna have to explain myself to anyone.  And I just need to put up with this discomfort for a few weeks the rest of my life , until I have some new patterns set.  And the discomfort will be ongoing.  It's about personal power within my family group.  Now, how to be diplomatic, how not to be conflictual and maintain my own power.  I wonder if it's even a possibility.
It has helped to write this out.  I'll keep you posted, Hazel